dev update: podcast dabbling
April 25, 2019
THE ROOTS OF YGGRADSIL.
April 25, 2019
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SEEK.

The grace of failure cannot be overstated.
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For years now, I’ve been the sort to dive into online arguments with passion and fire, sarcasm and vitriol. I always justified my dark disposition as ‘the hard work of making a difference’, in so many words. I felt like I had to because I cared about the world; I had to try and change peoples’ minds if there were any authenticity to my altruistic goals.
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It was a compulsion. It was a drive. It was foolish and counterproductive. And yet, I do not regret it.
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Through those little fires of self-destructive anger and desperation, a deeper understanding has revealed itself to me. Through those damaged friendships and broken connections, I’ve learned what I was doing wrong all those years.
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What was it I was seeking? Was I really seeking positive change in the world? On a deeper level, no. I wanted validation. I wanted to be able to tell my ego that it was more correct than my counterpart. I wanted to feel like I deserved to be a part of society.
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And so did they.
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These energies were not coming from love and understanding, but rather, fear. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being the foolish one. Fear of making everything collapse, through inaction, of being responsible for when all my systemic terrors came to pass.
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But now I seek a different goal.
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I simply seek to love; to see the pieces of light we all share as the unchanging and indestructible truth they are.
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I’ve been having better luck changing minds lately.
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